Motherhood

Motherhood: I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Now before you think I'm a devil woman for saying that I hate being a mom let me explain a little:

Before I became a mom I was married to the man of my dreams. That has not changed.

Before I became a mom we went on dates every week. Just the two of us. That has changed.

Before I became a mom we went out to eat together and had delicious meals and delightful conversations. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I went to work every day and got paid for said work. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I talked to other adults all day. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I showered, got dressed, did my makeup and hair every day. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I went to the gym every single day. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I had a fit body that I was proud of. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I had a clean house all the time. That has changed.

Before I became a mom I went to the grocery store on my own schedule. That has changed.


You see? Things have changed. It isn't being a mom that I hate. I actually love love love being a mom. My babies mean the world to me (or else I wouldn't have had #2 and wouldn't be planning on adding several more to our family), but with babes have come A LOT of change. And change is hard! it requires adaptation and adjustments, and those don't happen over night.

I have realized as a stay at home mom (SAHM) that being at home with my babies isn't the fairytale I thought it was going to be. I am so lucky that I can stay home with them, but it is not without it's challenges. I am not the first SAHM to say that being at home with kids can be lonely. Yes, you are with the little people you adore but the conversation is hardly fulfilling. Going through 10 different foods trying to give my 18 month old daughter the "nack" (snack) she wants is exhausting. Especially when you do it 10 times every day. And cooing at my 3 month old trying to solicit smiles isn't exactly conversation. Sometimes you just want to talk to someone about something! The funny thing is, once I'm out of the house and talking with other adults, 9/10 times the conversation is about my children and their "nacks" and their adorable smiles.

Taking two kids under 2 to ANY store is a challenge. It takes 30 minutes to get out the door even though when I decide we are going to leave the house I feel just about ready. Because when I'm ready, my kids are not. They require snacks, and bottles, and water, and diapers, and a change of clothes just in case they poop, pee or spit up on their first outfit...and that is for every outing. Even the quick jaunts to grab one thing! Because if you don't grab the snack, or the water, or the diapers, or the change of clothes, one of your kids will need the thing you didn't grab and will melt down in public because of it. The melt downs are mortifying. Avoid melt downs at all costs.

Being a SAHM doesn't just mean you get to play with the kids all day. Unfortunately. Because I'm at home while my husband works or goes to school a lot of things fall on my shoulders like: preparing meals for the family, grocery shopping, paying bills, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, etc. Although I would like to just play with the kids all day, the other stuff has to get done too and I think that's where I get bogged down. Because sometimes I want someone else to clean up after me. I want someone else to cook dinner. To plan dinner. Or to wipe down the bathrooms. Those things are not things that bring me joy. Quite frankly they suck and I wish I was ok with them not being done. But I'm not, so I do them because that's part of my "job".

BUT....although staying at home isn't the fairytale I expected, it does have its perks. And they are some serious perks.

Before I became a mom I had never loved a little person so dang much.

Before I became a mom I didn't know what it felt like to be needed for everything. And it kind of feels good sometimes.

Before I became a mom I didn't know how thrilling it would be to see your baby smile for the first time, or laugh for the first time, or take their first steps all before your eyes.

Before I became a mom I didn't know how you could feel so much empathy for another person.

Before I became a mom I didn't know someone would want me to kiss or snuggle all the hurt away.


Before I became a mom I didn't know there would be so many hardships associated with such a blessing.

The trials and the lonely times are so worth seeing my babies smile. Getting to play with them all day and snuggle them all day if they'll let you. Motherhood is a challenge. One that I am grateful for and am learning how to become better at every day. Motherhood is the refiner's fire. I am (hopefully) becoming more of a diamond under all this pressure ;)